It was nineteen years ago, there were no GSM phones, no twitter, no facebook; things were much simpler back then. I was just six years of age, an only child of my parents and a bundle of joy to all and sundry. Well, at that age, one would ask if I knew what love meant, but I did; I was in love with my childhood beau Tosin and she was just four years old.
We were in the same Sunday school class as kids and she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever set my eyes on. We were very good friends and almost inseparable. Gradually people began to label us “husband and wife”. It was annoying at the time and I always defended our friendship. I still remember some girls that composed a song for the two of us and I always wished I was older just so I could knock some sense into their thick skulls; no one was going to embarrass my sweetheart..
We attended the same primary school for a while and I looked forward to spending time with her during breaks. We grew up like we were a part of each other until she changed school. Then I began to look forward to when next I would see her, when next we could talk. Any spare time I had to visit a friend, I spent in her house. While we played in her room, I would seize every opportunity I had to peck her on the cheeks or kiss her while she slept. We were both only kids of our parents so it was easy for us. We had a unique kind of friendship and things could only get better between us.
On one occasion, her parents took us to Sheraton hotel along with two other kids for a UNICEF programme. I was too smart for myself back then. We were all given cakes and I threw mine into my mouth at the first opportunity. She held hers and didn’t eat it, I calmly told her, “Cakes are not good for girls o. it’s going to spoil your teeth”. I said it with much confidence and with lots of feigned concern. After a little more persuasion, she handed me her cake which I gladly ate, smiling at my mundane achievement. On the ride back home, she fell asleep and she looked beautiful in her sleep. I planted a soft kiss on her forehead and slept off too. As far as I was concerned, Tosin was mine.
At every opportunity I got I would ask her, “Who would you marry?” to which she always replied “You”. It was like a dream come true to hear her say I was the one she was going to marry. We were a little bit older at this stage, but she was all I wanted and I didn’t want anyone else. Even when I changed schools, I looked forward to seeing her on Sundays. Her mother would call me aside and ask, “George, how are you doing in your studies? Hope you are still topping your class and coming first”.”Yes ma”, I’ll reply. Apart from making my parents happy, the other reason I wanted to top my class was so her parents would let me marry her.
Few years later, I left for secondary school and my Father was transferred, which meant I wouldn’t see her on Sundays anymore and she couldn’t see me either since I was in an all boys boarding house Secondary school. I missed her terribly and told anyone who dared asked me if I had a girlfriend that I did and her name was Tosin. They’d moved to their private house and she now had a kid sister as did I. I kept hearing about her from people who knew both families and the desire to see her kept soaring.
One afternoon, while visiting a woman in company of my Father, I asked for directions to Tosin’s house from her and she gladly gave me. The following Saturday, I made my way to their home uninvited. Her mother was excited to see me, “How are your studies? Hope you are still topping your class. I trust you”, she asked amongst other things. Her daughter Tosin was glad to see me, but she didn’t show it. She really didn’t care as much as she used to, the long silence from both of us was telling. I looked on with total surprise as she offered me a seat like I was a visitor, it was in total contrast to how her mother had screamed with delight when she saw me afar off, “Tosin!!! Guess who is here”. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the attention her mother gave me and her usual questions, to me it sounded like she was saying; I know you want to marry my daughter, just keep topping your class and it’ll be a piece of cake. Unknown to me, My Tosin wasn't a little girl any more, she had changed in many ways.
I made her house my next visiting place every time I was free. Since we lived in the same city, it was very easy to go see her. I never knew my joy was soon going to be cut short and that our lives were going to change forever.
School was resuming and I knew I might probably never see her again for a long time. So I wrote a beautiful letter to her, typed out a colourful poem and bought her an ‘I miss You Card’. I dropped it in her house hoping that my rather loving gesture would make her not forget me again. Unfortunately, her Dad saw all of them and he flared up, my parents took some bashing and I was warned off her. I was barely thirteen years old.
I tried to childishly salvage the situation but it backfired terribly and this time I knew I’d bitten off more than I could chew. I never saw or heard from her again till I was in my third year in university six years after we’d parted. This time mobile phones were in vogue, I called her up and tried to bring us back to how we used to be. I tried all I could but to no avail; she was studying medicine in one of the expensive private schools in the country. I longed for her company and wanted her back in my life. We had not seen in six years and yet she understood me more than those I’d been with for so long. She knew how to make me happy, she knew the right things to say and when to say them, and I was overwhelmed. What could be better?
When I was experiencing problems with a girlfriend, she was the first I’ll call and she knew just how to make me smile, “Don’t worry, she doesn’t know what she’s got, if she did, she won’t be behaving so irrationally. If only I could meet her to talk some sense into her head”, she’ll say. I would nod in agreement over the phone. I told her everything that was going on with me. It was like she was my long distance girlfriend. Deep down in my heart, I wanted to tell her I loved her, that she was special, that I could go through anything for her, that she was my only fantasy, but I knew not how.
I went to meet another female friend to solicit for advice on how to get my message across in the best way possible to Tosin and in a total twist of fate; I ended up falling hard for this female friend. I never got to express my love for my childhood beau. Gradually, the communication gap between Tosin and I began to widen, she was too busy to talk, she never returned my calls or even sent a text. She blamed it on her studies but I knew better. A large part of me still loved her but then I knew we could never work out. I called her to try to make things work, but it began to sound like I was talking to a stranger; distance had taken its toll. Reality began to set in, and I began to pull away. It was only on our birthdays that we called each other to talk and even then we barely talked for three minutes. I hated seeing this childhood fantasy, this beauty that I’d loved as a child gradually turn out to become a stranger, but our relationship had deteriorated beyond repair.
Today am a guest at her wedding, I’m married to that female friend I met for advice many years ago, but I can’t but imagine what could have been if only I’d told her I loved her. If only I’d never written those letters, if only I’d allowed nature run its course maybe I would have been the one getting married to her and not the charming young man from the United Kingdom she was getting married to. I wish she could just know for one day that I’ll always love her no matter what. She always remains a part of me I’d never forget easily. I’m a happily married man to a woman who makes me bask in the euphoria of bliss, but my thoughts run wild with what could have been. If only…
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